by YouTime Coaching | Jul 28, 2017 | Uncategorized
Don’t sweat it, Mom and Dad, once again you are not the only ones out there. You have expectations of your kid and that is okay, but where does it become not okay? When do the expectations become a problem rather than useful direction for a kid to follow? What happens when your kid starts to become angry or withdrawn from your expectations and begins to decide “eh, maybe I’ll shoot for the opposite”.
Every day high-school and college kids are bombarded with not only actual expectations but perceived expectations as well. This is typically a big source of stress for young people and ultimately could turn into more than just feeling stressed out.
We will keep this one short and sweet, below are six things to think about when discussing, developing, changing, or even simply thinking about expectations and the impact it may have on your kid.
6 Things to Know About Your Expectations and Your Kids
1.THE PAST IS NOT A PROLOGUE FOR YOU OR YOUR KID.
What we mean by this is that just because your parents raised you a certain way doesn’t mean it was right, or that it even works for your own kid. Take a step outside of this storyline and find new ways to develop helpful goals for your child.
2. KIDS SEE EXPECTATIONS AS BINDING WITH LITTLE ROOM FOR MESSING UP.
Try using the word “guidance” instead of “expectations” when developing these principles. If you try running your household like a boot-camp be ready for ample (and creative) push-back down the line. Help guide rather than enforce.
3. YOU SURE AS HELL BETTER BE KEEPING UP YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN.
First try and identify for yourself what kind of expectations you have for your kid. Now, dig a little deeper and see if you actually hold yourself to those standards (obviously replacing topics with those that are relevant to you).
4. ONCE YOUR KID FEELS THEY ARE OUT OF CONTROL, LET THE ANXIETY AND STRESS SET IN.
Parents typically have expectations that are with ability or outcome If your kid has little or virtually no control over the outcome or if the ability has little to do with the actual outcome they will begin to feel their behaviors and efforts have no real impact on the result. Focus on identifying the controllable with them.
5. IF YOU ARE WELL ENOUGH TO SET THE EXPECTATION, YOU ARE WELL ENOUGH TO SUPPORT THEM WITH IT.
Don’t be that parent that simply shouts out expectations and waits for it to magically appear by the grace of your kids singular efforts and abilities. You set the expectation as a parent, you support them as a parent. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living if you expect something from your kid help them by setting smaller milestones in order to achieve it.
6. HOW HIGH IS TOO HIGH?
Studies show high parental expectations are connected to high academic performance. While this may be true, we also know that there are such things as too high of parental expectations and these can cause a lot of unwanted side effects. It will take some time and practice to find the balance. You don’t want your kid flying under the radar while being held to mediocre standards, while at the same time you want to stay away from your kid feeling controlled by these expectations. Adjusting expectations, open communication about them, and consistent follow-up can help.
One major thing to keep in mind moving forward is that good parenting is not simply seen through your child’s behaviors but is also witnessed through the parent’s behaviors as well.
Need help? Send us a message here
by YouTime Coaching | Jul 25, 2017 | Advice
Are you one of those parents who see summer as an obstacle for your kids? Do you have the goal of ensuring that your kids stay active both physically and mentally? If so, you are not alone! What should a summer break be for a kid? Do you need to take it easy or should you focus on the mental and physical growth of your children? Yes, to both! And we have a few ideas how in our article below!
This article first appeared in The Grafton News: http://www.thegraftonnews.com/articles/keeping-your-kids-busy-this-summer/
Just because it’s summer break doesn’t mean that parents get the summer off. This time away from tests, homework, and structure just means that kids need new things to do. While this may be old news to most of the parents out there, it is still a reality check each year when school comes to a close. Over 30 percent of households in Grafton have kids under the age of 18, which means, there are many more parents like you out there.
While some kids look forward to joining one of the summer sports leagues or camps, others may cringe at the idea. Bottom line, kids can sometimes be picky, emotional, and have a demeanor that can scream “unmotivated.” Picture it now, your child has just reached a new personal record of consecutive hours in front of the television, on Facebook, and texting. While this may not be the proudest moment for a parent, some kids may say this was quite the productive day. Within the challenge of keeping your children busy throughout the summer months, it is helpful first to understand why and how maintaining structure and meaningful activity is vital to their well-being and even their upcoming school year.
Whether you are a parent working full-time outside of the home or are with your kid most of the day, a little bit of thought, mindfulness, and planning can make keeping your child mentally and physically active during the summer months much more manageable.
Let’s keep it simple. Research shows that a summer without an active mind and body have multiple downsides. First, academic retention over the summer without this type of stimulation drastically goes down which puts kids at a disadvantage going into the next school year by making the transition more challenging. Isn’t it tough enough?
Second, these adolescent years are crucial for developing communication and social skills, positive relationships, and healthy habits. Here are a couple of effective parenting strategies to help make navigating keeping your kids busy during the summer months a little easier.
For kids, communication on their level is essential. Very few want to hear about all the things they need, must, and have to do over the summer. Schedule a couple of uninterrupted sit-downs with them, so you won’t need to take on the entire season in one conversation. The first sit down should focus on your kid’s interests in how they want to spend their summer months, even if some of the ideas are unrealistic. Once you have a list, take a couple of days, and devise a plan for what is realistic and what may need to be compromised.
Take a trip to CVS and buy a calendar so when you sit back down with your kid, you can break it down by months instead of taking on the entire summer. Make it a goal to do one to two fun things (in the eyes of the child) each month. Take a step back after each sit down to see if you have a good balance of hitting the important categories, such as physical activity, mental activity, and social activity.
As parents, the summer isn’t simply about making your kid’s dreams a reality. Summer is also a time for your them to learn about the payoffs in being responsible. For some children, getting a part-time job, volunteering, or helping out around the house could be in the cards.
Having these opportunities for responsibility is important, but remember to communicate on their level. For instance, if your child is reluctant to get a job, help them with the search or possibly create a reward system to help them pay for something they want to save up for. Keep in mind that summer responsibility is most effective when they understand it’s meaning and purpose. While keeping your kids busy and safe during the summer is important, there is no harm in a little downtime for everyone (and yes, that includes you). Enjoy the warm weather, this great town, and most importantly time with family.
