How to Love Your Kids When They Are Tough to Love

How to Love Your Kids When They Are Tough to Love

Kids can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

 

Harsh words? Maybe. One thing is for sure though, those words are definitely filled to the brim with truth… harsh truth. This isn’t taking away from your unconditional love for them, it’s simply acknowledging that kids can sometimes do things that are very tough to love.

This is why parents turn to advice from others, seek out simple solutions, and time hacks. Sometimes it isn’t all that easy and you give into your frustrations, irritations, and anger. As parents, you are teachers, EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS YOUR KID DOES NOT WANT TO LEARN FROM YOU. Because the eyes are always on you, the advice you get absolutely needs to be solid.

YouTime Coaching’s extensive work with high-school and college students along with all of the hours worth of support for parents has allowed us to understand some keys elements in how to be a great teacher for your child even during those tough times. When it comes down to it, a child wants to understand, perceive they have some control, and feel supported in a non-judgmental way.

The hardest times to be a “good teacher” with your kids? (never thought you’d ask!)

 

Just to mention a few:

  • when setting boundaries
  • when you are angry, frustrated, or irritated (and sometimes hungry)
  • when parents are on different pages
  • when you feel as though your child is not listening
  • when “nothing else seems to work”
  • when your kid is an adolescent
  • anytime

We don’t want you to be good teachers… we want you to be in many cases the kind of teacher “you wish you had growing up”, the kind of teacher that is more emotionally available than some families had in previous generations, and most importantly we want you to be the type of teacher that not only shows but explains the benefits in learning from failures, how to be compassionate to yourself and others, and have enough awareness/knowledge about what they are doing and why they are doing it.

For these reasons and with an entire year of putting together some of the most effective researched methods of teaching, motivation, and human behavior we have creating the “R.I.S.E. Method of Parent Teaching”.

RISE Method Pg 1

 

The premise behind the acronym “R.I.S.E.” is for parents to use the powers of awareness, communication, non-judgmental support, and compassion as a way to elevate their parenting and ultimately their relationship with their child.

Use can use this method while trying to set boundaries with your children, teach them important lessons, disciplining (btw before disciplining your kid read this amazing article, https://www.verywell.com/what-is-child-discipline-620113), and even just trying to improve your communication with them.

Remember, punishment is easy, discipline is hard. Implementing this method may be challenging and outside your comfort zone, if you need some guidance please drop us a line!

DOWNLOAD THE R.I.S.E. METHOD HERE.

The Insight Fallacy

Have you ever explained something to a friend or family member and their response is, “I know, I know, I know”? They seem to fully grasp the idea, concept, or reason for something that is happening around them all too well. 

Have you ever seen that same friend or family member that “understood” what and why something was happening, never change anything about it? Well, there’s a name for that.

In the field of Psychology it is referred to as the “Insight Fallacy”. 

Insight Fallacy: The belief that understanding a problem will solve the problem.


When gaining insight into a problem it may help us by,
  1. Providing comfort, security, and safety in understanding what is wrong.
  2. Assisting in the development of new problem-solving strategies. 
  3. Giving meaningful new understanding which will create harmony between our thoughts, emotions, and actions.


However nice this may sound, insight alone will not change the problem. In order to take effective steps in changing the problem, you must first identify a few things by answering these questions.

  • Is there a problem at all? If so, what is it?
  • Have a tried changing this problem in the past 6 months?
  • Do I plan on doing something about this within the next 30 days?


If you have not identified a problem, you are most likely not going to do anything about it, besides saying “I know, I know, I know”. If you said “YES” to there being a problem, you must start thinking about how you are going to try and change it. Take a look at the “Stages of Change” and get a feel for where you may be. 

Stages of Change, Jim Prochaska, Transtheoretical Model, Change

For each stage there are different tasks to complete, so make sure you are honest in which one you may be in. Being in the wrong stage at the wrong time will lead to frustration, relapse, and a decline in confidence. 

Take it one stage at a time, be patient with yourself, and know that there will be bumps in the journey. 
You got this.