by YouTime Coaching | Feb 28, 2019 | Behavior, behavioral issues, Brain, Children, Control, Health, parenting
If you, a friend, family member, significant other, or even an imaginary friend have ADHD, then you know a couple things to be true.
First, chronic procrastination, disorganization, and poor sleep habits are at the core. Even so, please don’t let this fool you.
Let’s face the truth, there are stigmas, biases, and stereotypes about anyone with ADHD (kids and adults with ADHD have their own “special” stigmas…etc). Looking at someone else’s eight or ten year old kid and saying, “Well, glad thats not my problem.”, “That kid needs to be on meds.”, “Their parents need to really control them better.”…. and you get the point.
ADHD is like an iceberg.
I know you have all heard the analogies about icebergs, and at this point it may be getting old, but for your kid’s sake stick with me because the each iceberg analogy equally deserves its own attention, especially when we are talking about a disorder that effects sustained attention. You can do it. I think you get the point… below the surface can get messy.
Practice: Acknowledge and let go of your assumptions
Assumptions can lead us down some slippery paths, but more importantly it drastically affects our approach to problems and challenges. When we make assumptions, it impacts the experience of everyone involved.
Use your imagination and visualize any tough situation for your kid. Don’t go for the home run on this, simply choose something that brings up moderate levels of emotion. Now just sit there, think about this scenario, and complete a couple exercises.
• Take a second and write down what feelings come up for you (stress, irritation, anger…etc).
• Make a list of the reasons why you believe caused this to happen (laziness, not being motivated…etc).
• Sit down for one minute and breathe. Focus on your lungs expanding on your in breathe and your muscles softening on your out breathe. If your mind drifts to a distraction, bring yourself back to your breathe. Just one minute.
• After your minute of breathing ask yourself, could there be any other reason behind my child’s behavior? Could your child’s intentions behind the behavior be different than you thought?
At the end of the day, you can afford to take a minute and step away from an emotionally charged situation. This time away can help you gain just a little more clarity and open-mindedness, which last time I checked can go a long way to a kid.
*this blog was derived from the amazing book Mindful Parenting for ADHD by Dr. Mark Bertin.
by YouTime Coaching | Jan 25, 2017 | Appreciation, Arguments, Attitudes, Behavior, Behavioral Change, behavioral issues, Brain, Change, Children, Communication, Control, Emotions, Growth, high school, Listening, parenting, parents, Problems, Reaction, Teenagers
Nobody said that raising a teenager would be easy and some parents may even think they should be rewarded a medal once they survive it. Statements that are made about adolescence and teenage years such as, “Surviving it“, “Getting through it”, are the real area of concern.
Although these times can be filled with risk-taking behaviors, a surge of independence, what seams to be minimal communication, and an abundance of “pushing back”, they must remain open to “the work” of the adolescent years.
WHAT’S “THE WORK” OF ADOLESCENCE?
Emerging science is proving at great lengths that some of the ways we used to think about adolescence may be quite off. On a weekly basis YouTime Coaching receives emails and phone calls that very honestly communicate the frustrations of being a parent to an adolescent.
Here’s what the conversation topics look like…
Here are a few things you need to know about the what the science is telling us.
“THEY JUST NEED TO GROW UP” MENTALITY WILL NOT HELP.
This line of thinking has existed for years and rightfully so, adolescence is a time of immaturity. The problem that lies within this way of thinking is that it frames adolescence as a period of time in which you must survive, simply try and get through, endure, and come out with minimal long-term scars.
Here’s a helpful change of perspective… Adolescence is not simply about maturity vs immaturity. During adolescence the brain goes through a rapid growth period and because of these changes new behaviors and abilities present themselves. All of those common “frustrations” (above) that we hear from parents aren’t just things that you need to endure but are newly developed abilities that will end up laying the groundwork for core personality traits your child will develop for use in adulthood.
Pushing boundaries, exploring decision making, getting a taste for independence, and being emotional may drive you crazy and caused tons of stress, but are all integral building blocks that each adolescent must go through. Use this time to cultivate positive experiences and lessons from those frustrations. Most importantly, be an active part of “the work” that goes into these crucial developmental period in your child’s life.
KNOW THE UPSIDES AND DOWNSIDES TO ADOLESCENCE.
Parent’s tend to have a keen eye for a child’s impulsive decision making, risky-behaviors, pushing boundaries with sources of authority, and their kids not wanting to spend time with them. What all of these behaviors have in common… they have an upside and a downside.
Novelty seeking and reward driven behaviors can motivate a child to explore new ways of doing things, allow them to keep an open mind to additional perspectives, and be open to change. The downside could lead to risky behaviors without a major thought or concern for the outcome, which leaves a child vulnerable.
Adolescence spending a lot of time with friend (and therefor little time with their parents) could help them develop strong social connections and support networks which are heavily correlated with happiness and mental wellness. The downside is that not being around adults and only being around peers increases their chances of risky behavior and minimizes the opportunity for guidance and knowledge from an adult figure, in turn increasing risky behaviors.
You see, each new ability and behavior that is formed during adolescence can have a profound impact on their develop towards adulthood. Stay engaged, but be aware of these new found abilities that your child may possess.
The inspiration for this blog came from an article written by Dr. Daniel Siegel. Dr. Siegel is a world renowned scientist and expert in the field of mindfulness. He has a wonderful ability to take complicated scientific findings and communicate them in a way that makes them practical and exciting. Please read his article “The Amazing, Tumultuous, Wild, Wonderful, Teenage Brain.” on mindful.org.
P.S.
If you are a parent or a young person who has had some challenges and would like to share your story, let us know in the comment section below! If you have any questions, and we mean any, you can send them right over to [email protected] or visit our page at www.YouTimeCoach.com.
by YouTime Coaching | Nov 15, 2013 | Behavior, behavioral issues, emotional problems, money, parenting, poverty, Rich kids, social problems, Stress
If your child experiences poverty before the age of 5 research shows that there are serious negative outcomes that will most likely be coming their way. These negative affects could results in:
- Protracted Stress (long-term)
- Behavioral Issues (conduct disorder, anger regulation issues, getting into fights…etc)
- Social Problems (social anxiety, body image issues, giving into peer pressure, bullying…etc)
- Emotional Problems (depression, anxiety…etc)
Does this mean that American’s are forced to make more money in order to ensure that their child will grow up to be “normal”. The short answer, NOPE. I am afraid to say ladies and gentlemen but,
MONEY IS NOT THE ANSWER
Before getting into this next section I would like to take a second to say that the facts, findings, research, and opinions expressed are not to minimize or criticize any individual’s parenting. The following is used to serve as a platform for discussion and questioning on this very important topic. Parenting is an extremely arduous process and by no means has anybody perfected it. I applaud parents that try their best with what they are given and can ask for help when necessary. I hope these findings allow you to ask the important questions to help your family, friends family, and children.
Recent research is showing significant increases in the social, emotional, and behavioral disturbances of the children that come from affluent families. Kids that come from families that make $150,000+ (over 2x the national average), have parents in high-status careers, attend the most prestigious schools, and have well-educated parents are at risk now too.
Some of the findings of this research shows that kids coming from affluent families are at risk for:
- Substance abuse (high alcohol use, binge-drinking, marijuana use, and other hard drugs)
- Delinquency from school
- Wide-spread cheating
- Stealing from parents or peers
- Maladjustment in school and social environments
A common misconception amongst affluent parents, and this is reinforced my many sources of media, is that money and education will prevent these events from happening or even solve them.
“If facts alone were enough to change an individual’s behavior long-term, then there would be no overeating, alcohol abuse, cigarette smoking, or drug use. There needs to be more then just the facts.”
YOUR OPINION
WHAT IS CAUSING THIS?
I want your opinion.
Share your thoughts below as to why children coming from affluent families may be experiencing more depression, anxiety, social problems, and substance abuse issues then before.
Some questions to think about:
- Why is this happening to kids coming from affluent families?
- Why is the magic school year 7th grade for most of these issues to present themselves?
- Are you experiencing these issues? If so, how has the experience affected your family and what words can you offer others?
In the next blog, I will share with you the findings of some on-going research that breaks down why this may be happening and how to fix it.
