by YouTime Coaching | Oct 24, 2017 | Academics, Anxiety, Change, college, Communication, Confidence, Control, Focus, Growth, parenting, Uncategorized
We hear it all the time… helicopter parenting and that the millennial generation is being raised too protected from struggle, diversity, and overcoming “normal” life-stage challenges. Wherever you stand on this doesn’t necessarily matter because both sides need to learn from how they are experiencing struggle both directly and indirectly. Your college freshman will undoubtedly be faced with challenges, but it will not be everything your anxiety is telling you it will be.
There are some important takeaways and a crucial reminder.
JUST BECAUSE STRUGGLE AND YOUR CHILD’S NAME ARE IN THE SAME SENTENCE DOESN’T MEAN IT IS A CUE TO STEP IN. Understand that taking a supportive backseat versus getting into the driver seat can be quite valuable. Not only does it give your child a chance to build confidence in their abilities to navigate tough situations or seek out help but it allows parents invaluable time to build trust in their kid’s ability to handle struggle.
For parents that just sent their kids away for their first year of college here are some things you should know about what may be going on and the struggles that freshman most commonly face.
Read more of Youtime Coaching’s published article, “Know Your Kid’s Freshman College Struggles” in the Grafton News by clicking HERE.
by YouTime Coaching | Feb 8, 2017 | Academics, Anxiety, Change, Confidence, Fear, Focus, Life Coaching, Mental Health, Outcomes, Positive Psychology, Results, Stress
It’s natural for students to feel nervous as standardized tests approach.
But it’s also very easy for this anxiety to spiral out of control and affect their overall well-being. No test is worth that! (Not to mention that being paralyzed by fear is not the ideal condition for a test-taking brain.) Test anxiety can be rooted in a lack of mastery of the material, uncertainty about test-taking conditions, and/or dread of the long-term consequences of falling short—and often, some combination of the three.
If your student is suffering, take heart: test stress is not inevitable!
Each of these anxieties can be dealt with and you can minimizing test stress. Here are some strategies that can apply to almost any student preparing for almost any test.
- Own the fear. Telling a student their fear is “all in their head” is counterproductive. Of course it is—all emotions are in our heads! Instead, help your student determine what they should and should not worry about. If your student lacks mastery in a subject, their test anxiety may be very real. If they worry over material they’ve already mastered, then you’re dealing with a different type of anxiety entirely.
- One step at a time. Gradually acclimating your student to test pressures can help normalize the test-taking process for them. Completing practice tests, working under timed conditions, and learning to work in noisy environments can all help your student prepare for their experience in the testing center. A coffee shop or library—where they will have to work through sniffling, conversations, street noise, and other things that fray nerves—is a great place to prepare.
- Think outside the test. Sometimes the very format of the standardized test causes panic. In this case, help your student develop skills with something other than the test. Developing reading comprehension questions using a novel or newspaper article, or applying geometry skills by designing a bookcase or coffee table, may help your student master skills in a fun, non-threatening way.
- Practice good test hygiene. Habits can make or break a test-taker. Set routines for your student. For example, if the test will happen on a Saturday morning, set aside every Saturday morning for test prep. Work on maintaining good posture and a positive but aggressive attitude toward the test. Finally, consider mindfulness exercises that will help your student quiet their inner critic.
More than anything, emphasize keeping things in perspective. Though the SAT or ACT may seem all-important, remember that most students take the test two or three times, and there’s much more to a college application than just test scores!
This blog was written by Signet Education’s Director of Education, Sheila Akbar. Sheila is also Signet’s resident admissions and test prep expert. She has been preparing students for the SAT, ACT, and GRE for over ten years in both one-on-one and in classroom settings. Sheila holds both a BA and an MA in Near Eastern Languages and Civilizations from Harvard University and holds two PhDs from Indiana University in Comparative Literature and Near Eastern Languages and Cultures.
Signet Education provides individualized tutoring, test prep, admissions consulting, and organizational coaching for students.
by YouTime Coaching | Jan 25, 2017 | Appreciation, Arguments, Attitudes, Behavior, Behavioral Change, behavioral issues, Brain, Change, Children, Communication, Control, Emotions, Growth, high school, Listening, parenting, parents, Problems, Reaction, Teenagers
Nobody said that raising a teenager would be easy and some parents may even think they should be rewarded a medal once they survive it. Statements that are made about adolescence and teenage years such as, “Surviving it“, “Getting through it”, are the real area of concern.
Although these times can be filled with risk-taking behaviors, a surge of independence, what seams to be minimal communication, and an abundance of “pushing back”, they must remain open to “the work” of the adolescent years.
WHAT’S “THE WORK” OF ADOLESCENCE?
Emerging science is proving at great lengths that some of the ways we used to think about adolescence may be quite off. On a weekly basis YouTime Coaching receives emails and phone calls that very honestly communicate the frustrations of being a parent to an adolescent.
Here’s what the conversation topics look like…
Here are a few things you need to know about the what the science is telling us.
“THEY JUST NEED TO GROW UP” MENTALITY WILL NOT HELP.
This line of thinking has existed for years and rightfully so, adolescence is a time of immaturity. The problem that lies within this way of thinking is that it frames adolescence as a period of time in which you must survive, simply try and get through, endure, and come out with minimal long-term scars.
Here’s a helpful change of perspective… Adolescence is not simply about maturity vs immaturity. During adolescence the brain goes through a rapid growth period and because of these changes new behaviors and abilities present themselves. All of those common “frustrations” (above) that we hear from parents aren’t just things that you need to endure but are newly developed abilities that will end up laying the groundwork for core personality traits your child will develop for use in adulthood.
Pushing boundaries, exploring decision making, getting a taste for independence, and being emotional may drive you crazy and caused tons of stress, but are all integral building blocks that each adolescent must go through. Use this time to cultivate positive experiences and lessons from those frustrations. Most importantly, be an active part of “the work” that goes into these crucial developmental period in your child’s life.
KNOW THE UPSIDES AND DOWNSIDES TO ADOLESCENCE.
Parent’s tend to have a keen eye for a child’s impulsive decision making, risky-behaviors, pushing boundaries with sources of authority, and their kids not wanting to spend time with them. What all of these behaviors have in common… they have an upside and a downside.
Novelty seeking and reward driven behaviors can motivate a child to explore new ways of doing things, allow them to keep an open mind to additional perspectives, and be open to change. The downside could lead to risky behaviors without a major thought or concern for the outcome, which leaves a child vulnerable.
Adolescence spending a lot of time with friend (and therefor little time with their parents) could help them develop strong social connections and support networks which are heavily correlated with happiness and mental wellness. The downside is that not being around adults and only being around peers increases their chances of risky behavior and minimizes the opportunity for guidance and knowledge from an adult figure, in turn increasing risky behaviors.
You see, each new ability and behavior that is formed during adolescence can have a profound impact on their develop towards adulthood. Stay engaged, but be aware of these new found abilities that your child may possess.
The inspiration for this blog came from an article written by Dr. Daniel Siegel. Dr. Siegel is a world renowned scientist and expert in the field of mindfulness. He has a wonderful ability to take complicated scientific findings and communicate them in a way that makes them practical and exciting. Please read his article “The Amazing, Tumultuous, Wild, Wonderful, Teenage Brain.” on mindful.org.
P.S.
If you are a parent or a young person who has had some challenges and would like to share your story, let us know in the comment section below! If you have any questions, and we mean any, you can send them right over to [email protected] or visit our page at www.YouTimeCoach.com.
by YouTime Coaching | Jan 18, 2017 | Attitudes, Behavior, Behavioral Change, Beliefs, Change, Commitment, Consistency, determination, Diet, Health, Mindset, Momentum, Preparation, Results, Therapy
Hey ladies and gentlemen, Captain Positive here to give you a dose of reality… the New Year may not be all that you are expecting. Fun fact is that people are absurdly good at reminiscing over all the good and bad things that have already happened in our past, but typically have more of an issue visualizing their future and things like New Year’s Resolutions take a major hit.
Not only do I bring you this wonderful news but I will also share with you, because it is quite important, the 3 things you can do in order to efficiently undermine your New Year’s resolutions.
After reading this blog you will basically be certified in how to teach others to properly screw up their plans for the New Year! (exciting… I know.) With this knowledge comes great power, because in order to be successful with your resolution(s) you must know what works in addition to whats makes you fall miserably on your face (and don’t worry, we all know that feeling). So the power is yours once you are done reading this. Choose how to use this information wisely.
[bctt tweet=”In order to be successful with your resolution(s) you must know what works in addition to whats makes you fall miserably on your face (and don’t worry, we all know that feeling).” username=”youtimecoaching”]
I present to you the “Reverse RPM” theory. As most of you know “RPM” stands for “revolutions per minute” and is a relative calculation of speed, so for this presentation the “Reverse RPM” theory will show you how to completely halt any forward progress, momentum, and speed you are looking to create for attaining your New Year’s goals.
Reverse RPM Theory
(R) Results
Problem:
Many of us have developed a wonderful tendency to be predominantly results and outcome driven. We start a diet and we only look to lose weight (and we better see results fast or on to the next diet found in Self Magazine).
Of the top ten most popular resolutions (Check them out here!) all of them take preparation, planning, and time. We typically undermine our resolutions by looking at them as short-term, outcome-oriented endeavors.
Solution:
A “New Year’s Resolution” is exactly that, a year-long resolution and goal. Do you stop going to the gym or eating healthy once you lose those 30 lbs. on June 21st of the new year? Well, you shouldn’t but lots of people do. Your resolution is a long-term goal that should be process-oriented, not simply outcome.
Sure you have an outcome in mind, but this outcome stays in your peripherals while the next small baby step stays in your direct line of vision. Your journey to get there needs to be clearly planned out, broken down, and assigned start/completion dates (download “My Mini Goals Worksheet” here).
(P) Preparation
Problem:
How many of you bozos knew that the new year started on a Monday? Who wants to get healthy and make changes over the weekend when you can start on Monday?! Are you going to dig yourself into a hole the weekend before or prepare yourself for an easier transition?
Assuming you already created a resolution, we can safely say that you have at least identified that there are behaviors that are problematic and stand in the way of your goals. Don’t we all! The first step after realizing you have “problem behaviors” is to prepare yourself in order to make the change. Unfortunately, our hedonistic (pleasure seeking) culture can sometimes force us into the “action stage” before proper planning. The result, 2 weeks of hard work towards your goal and reverting back to old ways (looks like your cigarettes will have their old best friend back).
Solution:
First, do a little detective work to figure out what your actual behaviors are, when they happen, and what triggers them (download “Track My Triggers and Patterns Worksheet” here). Second, really find out why you are looking to make these changes. First write down what positive benefits the change will bring to you (and others), followed by writing down how maintaining the problem behaviors have hurt you (and others).
Next, you must commit. Scream your goal from the biggest damn mountain top you can find (please don’t do this). Seriously though, tell friends and family what your intentions are with this resolution. People are more likely to feel accountable if others know what they are trying to do.
(M) Momentum
Problem:
Newton’s Law of Intertia (as it applies to New Year’s Resolutions)
An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by healthy and mindful decisions. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by your problematic behaviors.
Wait, so since I am going to be “all healthy and stuff” starting in January, that means I can shove my face with booze and food throughout the holidays and think of exercise as the walk to the bathroom. Don’t start in a hole.
Maybe I can smoke my face off and start fresh on January 1st. Or, since I will be saving so much money in the new year with my positive changes, I will definitely balance that out by spending tons of money over the holidays. Don’t start in a hole.
Don’t use December as an escape goat for your troublesome behaviors. This only will make things harder with a higher likelihood of failing to progress with your resolution.
Solution:
Start planning after the first week in December. Already into January? No problem! Part of successful goal setting is being flexible and adapting to what’s realistically going on around you. Spend 2 weeks planning out your path of success and seek out those that will support you in this (download the “My Support Team Worksheet” here). Most people try to begin their resolution after one of their most problematic months and that is a recipe for disaster! Set a realistic start date that allows you spend a couple week planning out your moves.
YouTime take home message:
Remember, knowledge is not power, it is only potential power. You have the choice in how to use it. So go on and use that huge brain of yours to properly plan or even screw up the new year and share your resolutions below!
by YouTime Coaching | Dec 7, 2016 | Academics, Attitudes, Behavioral Change, Change, Children, Communication, Direction, Life Coaching, Mental Health, parenting, parents, Problems, Self-Change, Self-Esteem, social problems, Stigma, Teenagers, Therapy, Trust |
Even a healthy and well-adjusted young person will have their fair share mood swings, moments of pushing back, impulsive decisions, and overall lapses in judgement. This is why parenting a young person consistently takes the top spot in The New York Times’ list of “Top 10 Easiest Professions”… yeaaaa right.
Whether the young person is in high-school or college it can sometimes be quite challenging to distinguish between “normal” and “could use some help”. So let’s clear a couple things up first regarding “help”.
Stigma.
Yes, unfortunately “getting help” still carries a substantially heavy stigma with it. For instance, it is very easy to assume that when you seek out professional help that something is broken and needs to be fixed. The young person is not broken, and neither are you. Here are a few other stigmas that may keep you and the young person from benefiting from additional support.
Misconceptions about getting help for a high-school/college age young person:
- If I get help, I am weak.
- This means I am crazy.
- (Typically parents) This is a waste of money.
- All you do is talk about my feelings.
- I will get medicated.
- Other people will think it’s (I’m) weird.
Stigmas have the power to not only prevent a young person from getting more specialized support but in many cases can create pretty harmful negative beliefs about who they are, how they are doing, and what their options are to start feeling better.
From the very beginning of the process, YouTime Coaching implements many strategies to combat some of these misconceptions. Here are a couple:
Trust Trust Trust:
With young people, trust is huge. That is why YouTime Coaching focuses right away on building a safe, secure, and trusting relationship between the young person and their coach. We believe that the young person’s relationship with their coach within the first month will determine much of their success in their work together. The coaches use strategic communication styles, in-between session check-ins, and work hard to create an relaxed judgment free zone.
Breaking the “Parent-Young person” Dynamic:
Sometimes simply being a parent makes it challenging to talk about the “tough things” with your young person. They see you through the “parent filter”, while you see them through the “young person filter”. YouTime’s Coaches are young, genuinely compassionate, and have the natural ability to connect with young people where it may otherwise be challenging for a parent to break through.
Take a look at www.YouTimeCoach.com to learn more about the process of coaching with young person, parents, and families.
When to get specialized help for your young person?
With the exception of when the young person asks for it, knowing when to seek out help can be challenging. Having some insight to what your young person’s baseline behaviors are can be helpful in assessing their/your need for some extra support. Here are a few things to keep on your radar but keep in mind that simply because you may see a change in these areas does not not necessarily mean your young person is struggling. It just means, keep communicating with them and finding ways to meaningfully connect, all while keeping your finger on the pulse to see if more evidence points to a “would it help it get some support?” talk.
- Their social life.
Questions to think about:
Has their friend group noticeably changed?
Are they spending a lot more time on their own?
Are they now jumping pretty hard into the party scene?
Is the young person having noticeable challenges in balancing their social life with other areas?
- Communication.
Questions to think about:
Has the young person’s communication patterns (language used, frequency, depth) drastically changed?
Is the young person “asking for help” but not necessarily coming right out and saying it?
Do you notice a rapid shift in mood when communicating with the young person?
Are you lost on how to communicate with the young person?
Have others communicated their concerns with you? (friends, teachers, bosses, siblings..etc)
- Academics.
Questions to think about:
Is there a noticeable drop in grade?
Are you seeing frequent absences or tardiness at school/work?
Have you received concerned communication from teachers?
Is your young person having trouble concentrating/focusing?
*if any young person you’re with has shown open, serious, and/or committed signs of harming themselves or others, please do not hesitate, call 911 and get professional help right away.
Remember, these questions are good starting points to give you a better understanding of what conversations to have with the young person, a professional, or somebody already in their support circle.
At the end of the day, if you still feel like something may be “off” with your kid and need to further figure out a plan of action, reach out to YouTime Coaching at [email protected].
by YouTime Coaching | Sep 25, 2014 | Advice, Behavior, Change, Communication, Connections
One of the many things that human’s possess that never shuts off is our ears. Even when we are sleeping, we are listening. In such a noisy world full of distractions, loud noises, and multi-tasking, how are we actually able to listen to anything worthwhile?
Is listening to those around us even possible anymore?
Something is wrong here, right?
Humans use listening to gain meaning through sound, but in a world so noisy this requires more energy then ever.
Take for instance being on a subway and looking around at how many people are wearing headphones, listening to their music. These people may seem like the are attempting to fully devote their ears to their music and are fully focused in on it. What this creates though is a bunch of individuals isolating themselves and not actually listening to those around them. It is sometimes no wonder why people find it hard to communicate, relate, and connect with people. We are frequently in our own worlds!
What needs to happen to regain this integral piece of communication and connection. The piece that helps us understand each other, gain meaning from one another, and exist together.
Well… here are 3 steps to start regaining our ability to listen:
Reboot Our Ears:
Take 3 minutes (only 90 seconds) of silence a day (or quietness). This actually helps your ears recalibrate themselves. Returning them to a place of higher performance.
Relate Sounds:
Some people find particular noises “annoying” or “distracting”, such as an air-conditioner, a truck/train going by, or a baby crying. Try to take some of the sounds you hear on a day to day basis and relate them to something positive. Imagine your world when those sounds don’t piss you off or get you in a negative mood.
Follow the Rules:
So we have lost our ability to fully listen to those around us which has resulted in retaining only 25% of what we listen to! We are better then that, and here is an acronym that will help you retain more information.
R.A.S.A.
- R eceive: Pay attention to the person. (eye contact, look at their lips, stay focused)
- A ppreciate: Use small sounds/word to appreciate what the person is saying (hmm, okay, yes…etc)
- S ummarize: Old trick in the book. If you reflect back some of the information you were just told it will not only help you remember it but will make the other person feel appreciated and respected. (try starting the summary by saying “So”)
- A sk: Use relevant questions as a way of expressing interest, staying engaged, and as another staple to retain more information.
Remember that listening is how we understand each other and the things around us. It is always one of the top issues in relationships and families. It is worth paying close attention to.
*Some of the information provided above was derived from Julian Teasure’s TED Talk “5 Ways to Listen Better”.
