by YouTime Coaching | May 19, 2017 | Advice, Appreciation, Behavior, Benefit, boundaries, Children, Communication, Direction, Dreams, Growth, Human Needs, Insight, Kids, parenting, parents, Positive Psychology, positive reinforcement, Support, Teenagers, Understanding
Kids can be a pain in the ass sometimes.
Harsh words? Maybe. One thing is for sure though, those words are definitely filled to the brim with truth… harsh truth. This isn’t taking away from your unconditional love for them, it’s simply acknowledging that kids can sometimes do things that are very tough to love.
This is why parents turn to advice from others, seek out simple solutions, and time hacks. Sometimes it isn’t all that easy and you give into your frustrations, irritations, and anger. As parents, you are teachers, EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS YOUR KID DOES NOT WANT TO LEARN FROM YOU. Because the eyes are always on you, the advice you get absolutely needs to be solid.
YouTime Coaching’s extensive work with high-school and college students along with all of the hours worth of support for parents has allowed us to understand some keys elements in how to be a great teacher for your child even during those tough times. When it comes down to it, a child wants to understand, perceive they have some control, and feel supported in a non-judgmental way.
The hardest times to be a “good teacher” with your kids? (never thought you’d ask!)
Just to mention a few:
- when setting boundaries
- when you are angry, frustrated, or irritated (and sometimes hungry)
- when parents are on different pages
- when you feel as though your child is not listening
- when “nothing else seems to work”
- when your kid is an adolescent
- anytime
We don’t want you to be good teachers… we want you to be in many cases the kind of teacher “you wish you had growing up”, the kind of teacher that is more emotionally available than some families had in previous generations, and most importantly we want you to be the type of teacher that not only shows but explains the benefits in learning from failures, how to be compassionate to yourself and others, and have enough awareness/knowledge about what they are doing and why they are doing it.
For these reasons and with an entire year of putting together some of the most effective researched methods of teaching, motivation, and human behavior we have creating the “R.I.S.E. Method of Parent Teaching”.
The premise behind the acronym “R.I.S.E.” is for parents to use the powers of awareness, communication, non-judgmental support, and compassion as a way to elevate their parenting and ultimately their relationship with their child.
Use can use this method while trying to set boundaries with your children, teach them important lessons, disciplining (btw before disciplining your kid read this amazing article, https://www.verywell.com/what-is-child-discipline-620113), and even just trying to improve your communication with them.
Remember, punishment is easy, discipline is hard. Implementing this method may be challenging and outside your comfort zone, if you need some guidance please drop us a line!
DOWNLOAD THE R.I.S.E. METHOD HERE.
by YouTime Coaching | Jan 25, 2017 | Appreciation, Arguments, Attitudes, Behavior, Behavioral Change, behavioral issues, Brain, Change, Children, Communication, Control, Emotions, Growth, high school, Listening, parenting, parents, Problems, Reaction, Teenagers
Nobody said that raising a teenager would be easy and some parents may even think they should be rewarded a medal once they survive it. Statements that are made about adolescence and teenage years such as, “Surviving it“, “Getting through it”, are the real area of concern.
Although these times can be filled with risk-taking behaviors, a surge of independence, what seams to be minimal communication, and an abundance of “pushing back”, they must remain open to “the work” of the adolescent years.
WHAT’S “THE WORK” OF ADOLESCENCE?
Emerging science is proving at great lengths that some of the ways we used to think about adolescence may be quite off. On a weekly basis YouTime Coaching receives emails and phone calls that very honestly communicate the frustrations of being a parent to an adolescent.
Here’s what the conversation topics look like…
Here are a few things you need to know about the what the science is telling us.
“THEY JUST NEED TO GROW UP” MENTALITY WILL NOT HELP.
This line of thinking has existed for years and rightfully so, adolescence is a time of immaturity. The problem that lies within this way of thinking is that it frames adolescence as a period of time in which you must survive, simply try and get through, endure, and come out with minimal long-term scars.
Here’s a helpful change of perspective… Adolescence is not simply about maturity vs immaturity. During adolescence the brain goes through a rapid growth period and because of these changes new behaviors and abilities present themselves. All of those common “frustrations” (above) that we hear from parents aren’t just things that you need to endure but are newly developed abilities that will end up laying the groundwork for core personality traits your child will develop for use in adulthood.
Pushing boundaries, exploring decision making, getting a taste for independence, and being emotional may drive you crazy and caused tons of stress, but are all integral building blocks that each adolescent must go through. Use this time to cultivate positive experiences and lessons from those frustrations. Most importantly, be an active part of “the work” that goes into these crucial developmental period in your child’s life.
KNOW THE UPSIDES AND DOWNSIDES TO ADOLESCENCE.
Parent’s tend to have a keen eye for a child’s impulsive decision making, risky-behaviors, pushing boundaries with sources of authority, and their kids not wanting to spend time with them. What all of these behaviors have in common… they have an upside and a downside.
Novelty seeking and reward driven behaviors can motivate a child to explore new ways of doing things, allow them to keep an open mind to additional perspectives, and be open to change. The downside could lead to risky behaviors without a major thought or concern for the outcome, which leaves a child vulnerable.
Adolescence spending a lot of time with friend (and therefor little time with their parents) could help them develop strong social connections and support networks which are heavily correlated with happiness and mental wellness. The downside is that not being around adults and only being around peers increases their chances of risky behavior and minimizes the opportunity for guidance and knowledge from an adult figure, in turn increasing risky behaviors.
You see, each new ability and behavior that is formed during adolescence can have a profound impact on their develop towards adulthood. Stay engaged, but be aware of these new found abilities that your child may possess.
The inspiration for this blog came from an article written by Dr. Daniel Siegel. Dr. Siegel is a world renowned scientist and expert in the field of mindfulness. He has a wonderful ability to take complicated scientific findings and communicate them in a way that makes them practical and exciting. Please read his article “The Amazing, Tumultuous, Wild, Wonderful, Teenage Brain.” on mindful.org.
P.S.
If you are a parent or a young person who has had some challenges and would like to share your story, let us know in the comment section below! If you have any questions, and we mean any, you can send them right over to [email protected] or visit our page at www.YouTimeCoach.com.
by YouTime Coaching | Feb 16, 2014 | Anthony Robbins, Appreciation, Commitment, Consistency, Creativity, Dreams, Expectations, Fear, happiness, Love, Quotes, Regret |
A good quote can motivate somebody to try something new, persist through tough times, or make necessary changes in their life. Quotes are so powerful because they embody an entire mindset, image, story, and lifestyle within one single sentence.
In my perspective, what makes a quote set itself apart is if it actually motivates you to take action with your life simply by the burning desire it ignited in you. Sounds powerful and somewhat unbelievable, huh? It happens and it will right now.
Following the quotes below will include a very small and incredibly manageable exercise to complete. Do this and consider you day a success.
1.
Exercise: Since scheduling makes it real, lets schedule! Think about something that you enjoy doing, that is positive for you, or brings you great vibes and schedule it for the very near future. Set this in your calendar, with as many reminds as possible, and lets make this real!
2.
Exercise: Keep it simple stupid. What we are constant and consistent with, as simple as it sounds, is what makes the real difference. Choose something right now, that is once again extremely manageable and positive (requires minimal time, minimal resources, and minimal excuses) and agree to do it every day for 30 days. Some people may choose taking one deep breath a day, drinking a glass of water in the morning, or saying hello to one stranger.
Whatever you choose, stay consistent and constant.
3.
Exercise: For this exercise, I want you to do two things.
First, write down something you love doing.
Second, write down something you could do with more love.
4.
Exercise: Wrong? Never! For this exercise I want you to write down or state out loud something that you have been wrong about. After all, we all have been wrong at some point in our life.
5.
Exercise: If you don’t appreciate what life has offered you, you begin to take it for granted. Write down 5 things that you appreciate in your life (if you have more then 5 keep the list going!).
Congratulations! If you followed the exercises then you have had one successful day.
Take this message with you,
Live your life by continuing to grow through your actions, being consistent, appreciating everything, not fearing being wrong, and most of all, live your life with love.
