by YouTime Coaching | Aug 13, 2013 | Beliefs, Change, Insight, Insight Fallacy, Motivation, Problems, Stages of Change, steps, Understanding
Have you ever explained something to a friend or family member and their response is, “I know, I know, I know”? They seem to fully grasp the idea, concept, or reason for something that is happening around them all too well.
Have you ever seen that same friend or family member that “understood” what and why something was happening, never change anything about it? Well, there’s a name for that.
In the field of Psychology it is referred to as the “Insight Fallacy”.
Insight Fallacy: The belief that understanding a problem will solve the problem.
When gaining insight into a problem it may help us by,
- Providing comfort, security, and safety in understanding what is wrong.
- Assisting in the development of new problem-solving strategies.
- Giving meaningful new understanding which will create harmony between our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
However nice this may sound, insight alone will not change the problem. In order to take effective steps in changing the problem, you must first identify a few things by answering these questions.
- Is there a problem at all? If so, what is it?
- Have a tried changing this problem in the past 6 months?
- Do I plan on doing something about this within the next 30 days?
If you have not identified a problem, you are most likely not going to do anything about it, besides saying “I know, I know, I know”. If you said “YES” to there being a problem, you must start thinking about how you are going to try and change it. Take a look at the “Stages of Change” and get a feel for where you may be.
For each stage there are different tasks to complete, so make sure you are honest in which one you may be in. Being in the wrong stage at the wrong time will lead to frustration, relapse, and a decline in confidence.
Take it one stage at a time, be patient with yourself, and know that there will be bumps in the journey.
You got this.
by YouTime Coaching | Aug 2, 2013 | Confidence, determination, happiness, Hope, normal, perseverance, Reframing, Stroke, TED Talks
Recently, I came across a TED talk video that featured a mother and father (Roberto D’Angelo and Francesca Fideli) who were happily married in 2002 and gave birth to their beautiful son, Mario, in 2011. For many parents, children are a continuation of themselves, their lives, their ancestry, their story. Parents truly feel as though they have produced a miracle and a thing of absolute beauty to be cherished for many years to come.
What happens when the same beauty, child, and miracle has a stroke?
Mario experienced what is known as a “Perinatal Stroke” at only 10 days of age. He was unable to control the left side of his body. While Mario lost some control in his newly formed life so did his parents while they were ambushed with a flood of emotions ranging from the feeling of failure, anxiety, depression, and confusion. What can a parent do in order to instill a sense of certainty, security, and safety?
Mario’s parents worked hard to help their child recover. They began a pilot program for Mirror Neuron Rehabilitation.
As D’Angelo explains, “The theory of mirror neuron says that, in your brain, as you watch me do this, you are activating exactly the same neurons as if you do the actions.”
The goal for this program was to show Mario items, demonstrate how to pick them up, and use them. This would in turn be mirrored by Mario himself. What they discovered was that Mario was paying just as much attention to his parents emotions as he was to their body movements.
Following this discovery Roberto and Francesca thought, what are we missing?
What am I missing? What is wrong?
These questions come up quite frequently for parents and their children. Fortunately, Roberto and Francesca made the necessary shift in mindset to help their son Mario, but many people stay stuck in the “What is missing?” head game.
What Mario’s parents did, and what I encourage you to do RIGHT NOW is restructure that thought of “What is missing?” to “What can I offer?”.
What is missing? vs What can I offer?
Ask your self important questions such as, “What do the individuals that know me best think I have to offer?” and “What can I offer to other people, my environment, and this world?”
AND
From now on, when you are faced with the question, “What am I missing?”. Ask yourself,“What can I offer?”
Look at little Mario now!
by YouTime Coaching | Jun 29, 2013 | Uncategorized
When driving out to see clients I frequently take Interstate 93 to get out to them. Those in the Boston area know very well that 93 is home to two major things, the infamous “Big Dig” and major traffic jams.
Just as you leave Boston on 93 South the left lane closes and everybody is forced to merge. I drive this exact route 4-5 times a week and still run into the same problem. I get all the way over into the left lane and forget that I will need to merge back into the original lane I was coming from.
This typically causes frustration, stress, a small amount of time, and sets the tone for the remainder of my drive, “pissed off with a headache”. One day I chose to do something different. Not only stay in the middle lane, BUT change to the right lane. My thought process was, “I don’t want to deal with merging, or the lane that needs to accept and let in those merging assholes.”
This changed my world! I saved a very little bit of time, a lot of frustration, and actually had a pleasant remainder of the ride. Unbelievably different outcomes from just one small change. I realized quickly that individual’s typically do 3 things when asked to merge:
- “Pumping the Breaks”: Slow down to get behind somebody
- “Pressing the Gas”: Speed up to cut someone off and/or get ahead of somebody
- “Go With the Flow”: Merge in line with everybody else when forced to come together.
These occurrences led me to form a theory, known as “Merging Syndrome”.
THE BREAKDOWN:
Merging Syndrome
Individual’s that suffer from Merging Syndrome experience difficulty in effectively making important, timely, and valuable decisions.
Symptoms:
- Irritation
- Mental Fatigue
- Frustration
- Increased Anxiety
- Aggravation
- Headaches
- Confusion
- Use of the middle finger
- Poor control of language
- More extreme cases experience crying, blurry vision, and accidents.
These individuals are typically separated into three categories (although people can experience variations of them):
I. Pumping the Breaks: Individual’s that pump the breaks tend to avoid making important decisions and procrastinate. This can result in increased anxiety levels, poor decisions, missing out on fulfilling experiences, and missing potential growth opportunity. Individual’s that typically indulge in “Pumping the Breaks” value certainty, safety, and security.
II. Pressing the Gas: Individual’s that press the gas tend to rush into important decisions without proper planning, readiness, and regard. This can result in poor decisions, placing yourself in high-risk situations, and increased vulnerability. Individual’s that typically indulge in “Pressing the Gas” value variety and significance.
III. Go With the Flow: Individual’s that go with the flow tend to allow others to make decisions for them and lack regard for how this may affect them in the future. This can result in increased anxiety, feelings of being “out of control”, lack of fulfillment, and poor sense of identity. Individual’s that typically “Go With the Flow” value the need for connection.
When making important, timely, and valuable decisions in your life it is important to properly prepare yourself for the mental and physical rigors that may come your way. Making these decisions hold great potential for growth, contribution, and fulfillment. At the same time they have the potential to cause anxiety, doubt, pain, and confusion. Learn how to prepare, adapt, and acclimate to your new environment to help ensure a smooth transition.
If you or anybody you know is suffering from Merging Syndrome, please contact YouTime Coaching by emailing [email protected]
*Merging Syndrome is not a recognized syndrome by the current DSM or any body of literature. Merging Syndrome was created by Jonathan Wolf, through his own life experience and presented to help others identify their decision making process.
by YouTime Coaching | May 9, 2013 | Beliefs, Boston Marathon, Boston Strong, Confidence, Connections, Distress, Fear, Growth, Post Traumatic Growth, Post Traumatic Stress, Stress, Success, Support, The One Fund
In light of the recent bombings at the Boston Marathon and the massive numbers of individuals returning from war, our culture has become all too familiar with the term “post traumatic stress”. What most people are not as familiar with is the concept of
“Post Traumatic Growth”
Research involving individuals and their relationship to stress, pain, fear, and trauma have been around for thousands of years but the interest in Post Traumatic Growth began to steal some of the limelight in the 1990’s.
Post Traumatic Growth involves an individual’s path in adapting to sets of negative experiences that would normally cause psychological distress or harm. These events could include experiences with death, abuse, serious injury, natural disasters, relationships, accidents, and other potentially traumatic events.
Simply looking at this list you can understand why some individuals experience post traumatic stress.
BUT
What if there were a way to experience growth following traumatic events like those mentioned above?
Post Traumatic Growth Characteristics:
- Greater appreciation for life
- Shift in sense of priorities
- More genuine connections and relationships
- Increase sense of personal strength
- Recognition of new life paths and possibilities
Are you sold yet?
How can I get some Post Traumatic Growth?
1. First, you must have a belief system that supports growth.
Spirituality is a characteristic that has been closely linked to experiencing post traumatic growth, but the core concept behind this connection are the empowering beliefs a spiritual individual may possess.
Keep these in mind:
BELIEVE that you can grow from this
and
You are capable of this change.
2. You must have support
Support systems have been linked in post traumatic growth on many levels. Therapists, counselors, and life coaches (with proper training) can have great impacts on your ability to experience this growth, post traumatic event.
Surround yourself with genuine, insightful, and caring individuals that you feel comfortable sharing your life with. This could be the difference between growth and stress.
Conclusion:
- Be confident and open to being able to grow
- Develop a belief system that empowers and supports you in experiencing growth.
- Seek out opportunity to develop new genuine relationships and connections.
- Sniff out your most precious support systems and use them.
Lastly,
During the Boston Marathon I was watching the race in Kenmore Square (15 minute walk to the finish line), when I had heard what happened followed by a massive number of text messages, phone calls, and emails making sure I was okay. I want to thank those individuals and extend my heart and support to the families that were affected by these horrible events.
There is hope and there is strength within you to grow from this. Never loose sight of that.
All the best,
Jonathan B. Wolf, Ed.M.
Vitality, Performance, and Parent Coach
YouTime Coaching
Boston, MA
Contact:
[email protected]
(856)905-5410
If you would like to donate to The One Fund click the ribbon above:
by YouTime Coaching | Mar 25, 2013 | Uncategorized
What factors need to be in alignment for somebody to make a good decision for themselves?
This link could possibly, in the most easiest way possible, align those factors intantly.
