Train Your Brain

by | Mar 23, 2013 | Uncategorized

Everyone is faced with making multiple decisions each and every day. Some of these decisions hold high importance to the outcome of our day, week, month, or even life. While on the other hand, most decisions will have little to no impact on such things.

Or could they?

While the big decisions can have a lasting impact so can the smaller ones. It all comes down to whether or not you have programmed your mind in the correct way. 

Watch the video below to find out how to program your mind for successful decisions, reactions, and outcomes.


Were you programmed for success before watching this video? 

Share in the comments below how you have used this method to train you brain for success!



Jonathan B. Wolf, Ed.M.
YouTime Coaching
Vitality, Performance, and Parent Coaching

Is a Penny Worthless?

by | Mar 15, 2013 | Uncategorized | 2 comments

If you were to be walking along the sidewalk and saw a penny, would you pick it up?
Is the value of the penny enough for you to stop in your tracks, reach down, and grab it? 
What if it was a heads-up? 
Maybe it would be worth it then. 
A single penny is virtually worthless and cost more to manufacture then it’s face value. 
So what is this copper and zinc alloy truly worth?
 I will share with you a truly remarkable story to help answer this question.
The Tall Tale of Bipsy the Dog
 
Bipsy was brought into this world December 1st, 2012 by an abandoned and neglected pregnant mother roaming the streets of Louisiana. She is one of five puppies brought up to New England by the Great Dog Rescue. 
On January 25, 2013 Bipsy became part of Kate’s and my life. A cute, cuddly, mix breed that we couldn‘t quite figure out. We started house breaking, food schedules, buying pee pads, walks, and all the other fun activities associated with raising a puppy (more like a human baby). What most people know is that puppies, like babies, become extremely curious. 
Bipsy was finishing up a weekend adventure at Kate’s parents house, where she was able to run around and enjoy the outdoors (not that easy in Boston). 
When Kate went to pick up Bipsy her parent’s said, 
“Bipsy may or may not of swallowed a penny, 
just keep an eye out”.  
When Bipsy returned back to the North End in Boston, she resumed her normal routines of acting hyper, sleeping, going to the bathroom, sleeping, acting hyper, and more sleeping. Only this time she added in an additional piece, massive amounts scratching. This caught my eye and I decided the next day to bring her to the Vet. 
When we went in to see the Veterinarian, she wasn’t too worried about the itching and prescribe some Benadryl. I wasn’t going to mention the penny, but I did.
“Oh by the way, she may have swallowed a penny.”
The Vet responded with, “Now that worries me, the thing about pennies are that they contain zinc and zinc is toxic. We need to do an xray.”
 
 
As I return back to the Dr.’s office, the vet confirms that Bipsy indeed swallowed a penny.
The Vet lays out the next set of steps. 
1. Induced Vomiting to get the penny out
If that doesn’t work,
2. Endoscopy
If that doesn’t work,
3. Stomach Surgery
They induced vomiting…
No penny.

$37 for vomiting? Where do they come up with these prices?
They completed the Endoscopy…

No penny.
They completed surgery,
THEY GOT THE PENNY!
The aftermath…
 
Being a Life Coach, it was absolutely necessary for me to find the meaning and take home message from this. During a long drive to see a client, I tried to wrap my mind around the concepts of  
value, silver linings, luck, and beliefs.   

I realized the major lesson in this is,
(besides having puppy insurance)
Many individual’s undervalue their abilities, skills, and strengths. You tend to designate these qualities as “useless” and never utilize some of the most powerful tools you have to offer. 
I challenge you to complete a skills and strengths inventory on yourself. Take the information you now have and explore what other settings or environments those skills would be most valuable in.
Explore your value, discover your value, maximize your value.
Bipsy the Wonderdog
 
 

 

The Science of an Argument

by | Mar 5, 2013 | Uncategorized

The Resolution and Aftermath of a Fight

         Since conflict is a normal occurrence within a relationship, you will definitely be faced the challenge of how to handle it. Some people choose to avoid, yell, abuse, instigate, or regulate. While each of these serve their purpose, they will not help in strengthening your relationships with those around you.

Don’t forget that we are all human and each have needs.
Remember this handy diagram?

Simple Breakdown:
Your job in a relationship is to meet the needs of your partner, while your partner’s job is to likewise meet yours. When somebody perceives this not to be happening, there is conflict.

Simple answer, 
1. Figure out what needs aren’t being met
2. Acknowledge and affirm that your partner feels this way
3. Communicate openly about how to meet the needs in the future 
With this, conflict is most likely resolved. 
Keys to a Successful Resolution and Aftermath:


The resolution and aftermath are contingent on a few ingredients. During “The Fight” try the following to help ensure a clean end to the conflict.
1. Timeouts: It is fair game to take a timeout and remove yourself 
                     from the conflict, BUT, you must explain why you 
                     need a timeout AND communicate that this is an
                     important conversation that you wish to be 
                     continued and simply need a couple mins to level out.  
2. Focus: Are you focusing on yourself? If so, remember your role
                 in a relationship, to meet the needs of your PARTNER. Take
                 a moment to focus on them and do your job to meet their
                 needs, while the “Law of Reciprocity” works for you.  
3. Gain: When conflict arises individuals typically jump into fight
              or flight mode and try to save themselves. Take a step back
              and ask yourself, “What am I gaining from this” and “How
              will this make my relationship stronger?” After answering 
              both these questions you will have a better gauge 
              as to whether you should be arguing in the first place!  
Enjoy using the principles from Part I, II, and III of  
“The Science of an Argument“
 HAPPY ARGUING!

The Science of an Argument

by | Jan 16, 2013 | Action, Anxiety, Arguments, Attitudes, Certainty, Confidence, Direction, Fear, Fighting, steps, Success

Chapter 2: The Fight
Recap from Chapter 1: “Intro to Fighting” & “The Approach”
1. Arguing only has the POTENTIAL to cause negative outcomes
2. The Approach is the most important aspect of the argument.
3. The Approach directly influences the outcome of  the argument.
4. The mental and physiological state you are in prior to the argument will direct the fight.
5. If you are in a state that will undermine your desired outcome of the argument you need a “jarring”. 
6. Try the “Opponent Appreciation” and “Movie Theater Effect” techniques to create a more resourceful state and get the result you desire. 

Chapter 2: The Fight 


Arguing can be an extremely toxic event for any relationship or create an important opportunity for growth. The difference between heading down these two opposing pathways is monumental to relationships. The difference in these two paths can be found in just a handful of decisions. 


This blog is to help you navigate how to experience growth, increase closeness, heightened intimacy, and developing feelings of accomplishment through an argument.  

Challenge: Your Relationship to Fighting

Take a second to right down some words that you associate with arguing. These words may be negative, positive, seem unrelated, or from direct experience. You may see fighting as a defense mechanism, a way for you to connect with others, or possibly a tactic that makes you feel important and noticed. 

The importance of this exercise is to discover what cognitive relationships you associate to arguments and fighting. Once you recognize if your connection is positive or negative you can begin to witness its effects on “The Approach” and now how to change these limiting beliefs for “The Fight”

Definition
Limiting Belief: (noun) Thoughts and Beliefs that are manifested consciously or subconsciously that serve as obstacles and barriers to a desired or healthy behavior/decision. 


“The Fight” is the ACTION stage within this whole process and where most people use their own style to out-perform their opponent and reign victorious. 


The problem is developed because these “styles” that people use in their arguments are developed from typically subconscious feelings and can easily be expressed irrationally, untimely, and at your partners expense. 

Our goal here is to develop arguing skills that will allow us to experience healthy growth, connection, certainty, and significance.


“Top 5 Rules to Successful Arguing”  


1.Stay on Task

One of the biggest mistakes individuals make in arguing is that they do not stay on task. Understand what you are arguing about and keep this in mind with each point you bring up. When you feel like you are drifting away from the main topic, take second to regroup and jump back in. The last thing you want to be doing is yelling about who left the lights on, when the actual argument is about calling to say you will be home late.


2. Use “I” Statements
 
Let’s face it, humans typically get defensive very quickly and on a large scale. No female wants to feel like a piece of property, while no man wants to feel completely bossed around. When addressing personal preferences and perspectives start your statement with, “I feel as though vs. You always” in order to convey (on a conscious   and subconscious level) that you understand this may not be the case BUT this is how it makes you feel.

3. Cool-off

Under no circumstance should anybody be yelling. If it has reached this point, neither of you are being heard, there will be no winner (your relationship will suffer), you are negatively affecting those around you, and the argument has reached the toxic zone. If you feel as though you are going to yell it is completely permissible to say “This is a very important conversation and do think it is necessary to talk about it, but I need to take a couple minutes to regroup”. 


                                    4. Be Quiet
Upwards of 90% of communication is non-verbal and if you don’t silence that yapper for a portion of the argument, you will miss all the important cues. Allow the other person to speak freely without interruption (this may be challenging, but that is normal). Listen to their points and much more importantly, how it makes them feel. 

5. No Direction

Isn’t it the most frustrating thing in the world when you begin fighting with somebody who “loves to argue”. Quickly identify if you are one of those people. Do you contest, argue, and disagree with a high percentage of things around you? If so, keep this close to mind when arguing, because you are at higher risk of not “staying on task”. If you are one of these people, you tend to see your way and throw up the blinders for any other perspectives. Be flexible, honest, and open during argument. 








Stay tuned next week for Part III of,
“The Science of an Argument” 
Chapters 3-4: “The Resolution” and “The Aftermath”

Best,

Jonathan B. Wolf, Ed.M.
YouTime Coaching
www.YouTimeCoach.com