by YouTime Coaching | Dec 27, 2014 | Uncategorized
The holidays, regardless of which ones you celebrate are about family, traditions, and appreciation. On August 9th of this year, I was married to Kate and welcomed with open arms to their family. One of the best days of my life, and the beginning of a brand new journey.
Very frequently in the following months to your wedding you are asked, “how is married life?”. My response is always, “it is not much different than engaged life. If anything, Kate feels quite different because she has to change her name in 90 different places…”
I may have oversimplified a little. A whole lot has changed. My life has gotten better in many ways.
This past week I participated in my first holiday season being married. It was full of new experiences mixed with the old traditions and turned out to be quite a time. So, did it all go well or was it a scene out of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation?
Here are just a few things that were different this holiday:
- I had the opportunity to be in a new “family photo”.
- Traveled more then ever (13 hours; Boston>South Jersey>Catskill, NY>Central MA>Boston)
- Spent actual Christmas with Kate’s family (the infamous “taking turns” with the holiday)
- Experienced new “Wilson traditions”
- Brought “Wolf traditions” to the Wilson’s.
- Was able to open present with our wonderful dog Bipsy!
- Was able to see and spend time with more family then ever before.
- Received a ton of gift cards
- Woke up the latest I have ever woken up to unwrap presents (9am opposed to 6am)
- Gave out more “holiday thank you hugs” than ever before.
- Was warmly welcomed to spend part of the holidays in 5 different homes.
- Increased my New England sports gear by 300% on Christmas day (thanks Ellen!)
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Based on these 12 things, I think it went pretty amazing. It really drove home the value of family, relationships, and our need for connection. Still, no matter how great this all feels the reality is also in the challenge of adapting to your new normal and change. The change in how you used to celebrate holidays and the people you spent it with.
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I would be lying if I were to say it was easy to leave my family on Christmas Eve and not spend Christmas and my sister’s birthday with her for the first time in my life. I can finally understand the challenges newly married couples face when it comes to the “splitting” the holidays. This really tests the true the essence of marriage; support, flexibility, and compromise. Compromising does not mean giving up something you enjoy (although that may happen), it means to get through something and reach an agreement with your partner that has its own intrinsic benefits. During this specific change for me, the support from both families was amazing, completely appreciated, and ultimately made our first married Christmas a successful one.
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I can’t thank Dave and Ellen enough for welcoming me into their family in such a genuine way, while also thanking my parents for being so supportive in some of the changes that marriage brings your way as well.
Change is a complicated matter when it comes to humans, they either really love it or hate it. If it requires effort, they hate it. If it provides pleasure, they love it. If there is no perceived problem, there is no big change. Sometimes you don’t know what direction to head in, or it doesn’t excite you to make changes. Once you are able to see that every ounce of effort is worth the change you are making, it is a no brainer. The value of change and growth is overwhelming and the support is monumental.
Kate and I are now able to look at each other, give a firm high-five,
and say that we have successfully had our first married Holidays!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
by YouTime Coaching | Dec 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
The holiday season is typically filled with so many positive feelings. For some though, the thought of their “dysfunctional family” getting together, having to buy gifts, sign cards, wrap presents, and potentionally travel many miles seems like an absolute nightmare.
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I understand where they are coming from with the whole wrapping of the gifts piece, not my strength and never will be, I have accepted this reality of mine and my sisters have driven home the point many times. Understandably, the holidays can be a stressful time. For this reason I want to provide you with a small piece of advice while taking on one aspect of the holidays, gift giving.
How the hell are you supposed to know exactly what to get your wife, children, significant other, or any family member for that matter when they either provide you with a “60 item list” or say “it’s the thought that counts”. Either scenario leaves you in a precarious spot of wondering, stressing, and wishing someone else could do this for you. Fear not though!
I am hear to give you some advice on how to make gift giving a little easier for you this holiday.
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First, remember what you are doing in the first place. You are giving! A selfless act that is done for somebody else without the expectation of reciprocation. Remind yourself that the overall act of giving a gift is positive, selfless, and appreciated one (although sometimes it may not seem that way!).
Here are a couple rules to follow (some from personal experience and others just rules)
1. Put effort into your card and wrapping.
This point is even more true when gifting for females. They care just as much about what’s in the card and the efforts put into wrapping as they do the present. Stay honest and genuine with your words.
2. Stay within your means.
Listen, I understand you may be a “people pleaser” or the whole nature of the holidays has put you in a generous mood, but set a budget and stay to it. Sometimes this can be a fun challenge for a couple. My wife and I for the holidays cap it off at $100, which for some may be a lot and for others not, but regardless it forces you to get creative while keeping that urge to overspend in check.
3. Gifts aren’t everything.
Believe it or not your material things that you own (house, car, electronics..etc) can only account for 10% of your happiness. The other 90% is how you react to these things. People, including you, place the meaning in the gifts, the words you share in your card, and the time you choose to spend with loved ones. Choose wisely, communicate genuinely, and stay in the moment.
Well, you may still be stressed moving forward into the holiday, but before giving up on it, try at least one of the pieces of advice out for size. Works for me, and for many other people. Join the population of individuals that actually look forward to this season of giving and drown out (at least temporarily) your inner Scrooge.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
by YouTime Coaching | Nov 4, 2014 | Health, Men's Health, Mental Health, Movember, Physical Health
The Movember Foundation is the leading global organization committed to changing the face of men’s health.
The Movember community has raised $559 million to date and funded over 800 programs in 21 countries. This work is saving and improving the lives of men affected by prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health problems.
The Movember Foundation challenges men to grow moustaches during Movember (formerly known as November), to spark conversation and raise vital funds for its men’s health programs. To date, 4 million moustaches have been grown worldwide, but we won’t stop growing as long as serious men’s health issues exist.
Take a look at the Movember Men’s Health Checklist
to See What You Need to Be On Top Of:
BLOOD PRESSURE Every 2 years or annually if high/low
FASTING CHOLESTEROL Every 5 years or more frequently
with an abnormal test result
DENTAL HEALTH Annual check up
EYE HEALTH Every 2 years or as doctor recommends
IMMUNIZATIONS Tetanus-diphtheria at age 19 and annual
flu vaccine
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES Regular Checks and HPV vaccine if appropriate
SKIN CANCER Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check
TESTICULAR CANCER Monthly self-exam, especially
if there is a family history |
BLOOD PRESSURE Every 2 years or annually if high/low
FASTING CHOLESTEROL Every 5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result
DENTAL HEALTH Annual check up
EYE HEALTH Every 2 years or as doctor recommends
IMMUNIZATIONS Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years and annual flu vaccine
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES Regular checks, if appropriate
SKIN CANCER Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check
TESTICULAR CANCER Monthly self-exam, especially if there is a family history |
BLOOD PRESSURE Every 2 years or annually if high/low
FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS
Every 3-5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result
DENTAL HEALTH Annual check up
DIABETES Blood sugar test –hemoglobin A1c– at age 45,
or earlier if overweight or other risk factors are present
EYE HEALTH Every 2 years or as doctor recommends
IMMUNIZATIONS Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years and annual flu vaccine
PROSTATE CANCER Baseline PSA test if African-American
or there is a family history; age 50 otherwise
SKIN CANCER Look for marks or changes on your skin
and have a doctor do an annual skin check
DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease |
BLOOD PRESSURE Every 2 years or annually if high/low
FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS Every 3-5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result
COLORECTAL CANCER Annual check up
DENTAL HEALTH Annual check up
DIABETES Annual check up
EYE HEALTH Every 2 years or as doctor recommends
IMMUNIZATIONS Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years and annual flu vaccine
OSTEOPOROSIS If risk factors are present
PROSTATE CANCER Annual check up
SKIN CANCER Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check
DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease |
ABDOMINAL ULTRASOUND Men between ages 65–75 who have smoked
BLOOD PRESSURE Every 2 years or annually if high/low
FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS
Every 5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result
COLORECTAL CANCER Annual check up
DENTAL HEALTH Annual check up
DIABETES Every 3 years or as doctor recommends
EYE HEALTH Every 2 years or as doctor recommends
IMMUNIZATIONS Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years, annual flu vaccine, and shingles/herpes zoster vaccine once after age 60
HEARING If you are over age 65, have your hearing checked
OSTEOPOROSIS If risk factors are present
PROSTATE CANCER Annual check up
SKIN CANCER Look for marks or changes on your skin
and have a doctor do an annual skin check
DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease |
ABDOMINAL ULTRASOUND Men between ages 65–75 who have smoked
BLOOD PRESSURE Every 2 years or annually if high/low
FASTING CHOLESTEROL & INFLAMMATION MARKERS Every 5 years or more frequently with an abnormal test result
COLORECTAL CANCER Annual check up
DENTAL HEALTH Annual check up
DIABETES Every 3 years or as doctor recommends.
EYE HEALTH Every 2 years or as doctor recommends
IMMUNIZATIONS Tetanus-diphtheria booster every 10 years, annual flu vaccine, and pneumococcal vaccine after age 65
HEARING Annual check up
PROSTATE CANCER Annual check up
SKIN CANCER Look for marks or changes on your skin and have a doctor do an annual skin check
DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR The role of aspirin to lower risks for certain cancers and heart disease. The role of statins (cholesterol lowering drugs) for prevention of heart disease |
by YouTime Coaching | Oct 1, 2014 | Uncategorized
Whether you are good or bad at it, we ALL visualize things before doing it. Just like we all have that pesky inner voice and dialogue that never seems to mute itself. I want to present you with a technique I have used with many clients and myself that is a powerful way to redirect your negative thoughts, feelings, and mind-states.
Humans are condition to “see this” and then “feel this”. That is more than acceptable when what you’re seeing and thinking are positive. We all know this is frequently not the case.
Use the “Swish Technique” video and step by step visual instructions to redirect that negative thinking and regain some positive control back in your life.
Enjoy!
Step 1: Empty Movie Theatre
Imagine you are sitting in an empty movie theatre with
a blank movie screen in front of you.
Step 2: Create a Negative Picture “A”
Create an image that creates negative emotions and
thoughts such as anxiety and fear.
Step 3: Create a Positive Picture “B”
Create an image that creates very clear positive emotions and thoughts such as, confidence, happiness, and excitement.
Step 4: Put Negative Picture “A” Up With a Small Positive Picture “B” With picture “A” back up on the screen, make picture “b” the size of a postage stamp and place it down in the corner of the movie screen. You know what this small picture contain, although you may not be able to see all the details while it is this small.
Step 5: Count Down 3-2-1 and
Make a Loud SWISHHH!
With picture “A” on the screen and the small picture “B” in the lower corner, you will count down from 3 to 1 and at 1 you will make a loud “swish” sound. During that “swish” sound you will take the small picture “B” and blow it up to take over the entire screen. You now no longer can see the negative picture “A” and can only see the positive picture “B”.
Step 6: Look At Positive Picture “B” and State the Positive Emotions You Feel Seeing It
Now that positive picture “B” is on the big screen, take it in and feel the positivity and desirable feelings. Ask yourself, “How do I feel seeing this positive picture”. Really try and associate the positive emotions and thoughts with the picture.
Step 7: Clear Your Mind and Repeat
Congratulations on completing round one! Now clear your mind by standing up, counting, clapping your hands, and doing what’s necessary to clear that noggin of yours. You are going to repeat this entire process 7-8x.
That’s it! Use this technique to redirect your thoughts and recondition your responses to particular circumstances and environments.
ENJOY!
by YouTime Coaching | Sep 25, 2014 | Advice, Behavior, Change, Communication, Connections
One of the many things that human’s possess that never shuts off is our ears. Even when we are sleeping, we are listening. In such a noisy world full of distractions, loud noises, and multi-tasking, how are we actually able to listen to anything worthwhile?
Is listening to those around us even possible anymore?
Something is wrong here, right?
Humans use listening to gain meaning through sound, but in a world so noisy this requires more energy then ever.
Take for instance being on a subway and looking around at how many people are wearing headphones, listening to their music. These people may seem like the are attempting to fully devote their ears to their music and are fully focused in on it. What this creates though is a bunch of individuals isolating themselves and not actually listening to those around them. It is sometimes no wonder why people find it hard to communicate, relate, and connect with people. We are frequently in our own worlds!
What needs to happen to regain this integral piece of communication and connection. The piece that helps us understand each other, gain meaning from one another, and exist together.
Well… here are 3 steps to start regaining our ability to listen:
Reboot Our Ears:
Take 3 minutes (only 90 seconds) of silence a day (or quietness). This actually helps your ears recalibrate themselves. Returning them to a place of higher performance.
Relate Sounds:
Some people find particular noises “annoying” or “distracting”, such as an air-conditioner, a truck/train going by, or a baby crying. Try to take some of the sounds you hear on a day to day basis and relate them to something positive. Imagine your world when those sounds don’t piss you off or get you in a negative mood.
Follow the Rules:
So we have lost our ability to fully listen to those around us which has resulted in retaining only 25% of what we listen to! We are better then that, and here is an acronym that will help you retain more information.
R.A.S.A.
- R eceive: Pay attention to the person. (eye contact, look at their lips, stay focused)
- A ppreciate: Use small sounds/word to appreciate what the person is saying (hmm, okay, yes…etc)
- S ummarize: Old trick in the book. If you reflect back some of the information you were just told it will not only help you remember it but will make the other person feel appreciated and respected. (try starting the summary by saying “So”)
- A sk: Use relevant questions as a way of expressing interest, staying engaged, and as another staple to retain more information.
Remember that listening is how we understand each other and the things around us. It is always one of the top issues in relationships and families. It is worth paying close attention to.
*Some of the information provided above was derived from Julian Teasure’s TED Talk “5 Ways to Listen Better”.
