by YouTime Coaching | Mar 25, 2015 | boundaries, Communication, limits, parenting, parents, Positive, positive reinforcement, punishments, relaxation, rewards, Teenagers
Parenting a teenager can be a challenge and require a lot of skill and energy. However, there are a few tips that can help make it a lot easier.
Step 1: Be positive about your expectations.
Studies show that people often perform and act according to what is expected of them. If little is expected, little will be achieved. This is known as the Pygmalion effect, and it has been seen with the expectations a parent has of a child.
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If you expect that your teenager is going to fail in school, for example, this increases the likelihood that they will fail. However, thinking the opposite can have a positive effect. It’s important not to have expectations that are too overwhelming (become the President) or too specific (my son is going to be a quarterback), because expectations become limiting, but rather to have positive expectations based on the teen’s interests, skills and personality.
Step 2: Use rewards, not punishments.
It has been shown that punishments have a varying effect on discouraging a negative behavior, but rewards are guaranteed to work to encourage positive behavior. Rewards don’t have to be material, as many times sincere praise will work very well to encourage the teen.
Usually, with teenagers, parents tend to focus on the negative behaviors, sometimes taking the good things for granted. This actually serves to perpetuate the negative behaviors more. However, shifting the focus and being generous with praise can help you achieve better results.
Step 3: Adjust limits
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Teenagers need different limits than children, and what is more, they need limits that are adjusted as they grow up. However, it often happens that parents don’t revise the limits until a serious fight happens or something else equally out of the ordinary occurs. To prevent this, it’s a good idea to revise limits consistently to maintain a balance between the teen’s freedom and responsibility. Step 4: Remain calm
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Teens are dramatic, as their emotional experiences are often extreme. They say they “hate” their parents, which is something no parent wants to hear. However, in the face of these emotions that the teen yet can’t control, it’s very important to remain calm and be there for them, as these outbursts usually don’t reflect actual hatred, but pain and anger that the teen doesn’t know how to handle yet.
Step 5: Keep communications channels open
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While the teen needs more freedom, they still need guidance and help. It’s very important that they can feel as if they can receive it in their own home with their family. Teenagers need to be able to come to their parents with different problems and situations, so they shouldn’t feel like they would receive only blame or anger. Rather, they need to feel that they will be supported. For this, it’s important to reinforce these ideas through words and actions.
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by YouTime Coaching | Nov 15, 2013 | Behavior, behavioral issues, emotional problems, money, parenting, poverty, Rich kids, social problems, Stress
If your child experiences poverty before the age of 5 research shows that there are serious negative outcomes that will most likely be coming their way. These negative affects could results in:
- Protracted Stress (long-term)
- Behavioral Issues (conduct disorder, anger regulation issues, getting into fights…etc)
- Social Problems (social anxiety, body image issues, giving into peer pressure, bullying…etc)
- Emotional Problems (depression, anxiety…etc)
Does this mean that American’s are forced to make more money in order to ensure that their child will grow up to be “normal”. The short answer, NOPE. I am afraid to say ladies and gentlemen but,
MONEY IS NOT THE ANSWER
Before getting into this next section I would like to take a second to say that the facts, findings, research, and opinions expressed are not to minimize or criticize any individual’s parenting. The following is used to serve as a platform for discussion and questioning on this very important topic. Parenting is an extremely arduous process and by no means has anybody perfected it. I applaud parents that try their best with what they are given and can ask for help when necessary. I hope these findings allow you to ask the important questions to help your family, friends family, and children.
Recent research is showing significant increases in the social, emotional, and behavioral disturbances of the children that come from affluent families. Kids that come from families that make $150,000+ (over 2x the national average), have parents in high-status careers, attend the most prestigious schools, and have well-educated parents are at risk now too.
Some of the findings of this research shows that kids coming from affluent families are at risk for:
- Substance abuse (high alcohol use, binge-drinking, marijuana use, and other hard drugs)
- Delinquency from school
- Wide-spread cheating
- Stealing from parents or peers
- Maladjustment in school and social environments
A common misconception amongst affluent parents, and this is reinforced my many sources of media, is that money and education will prevent these events from happening or even solve them.
“If facts alone were enough to change an individual’s behavior long-term, then there would be no overeating, alcohol abuse, cigarette smoking, or drug use. There needs to be more then just the facts.”
YOUR OPINION
WHAT IS CAUSING THIS?
I want your opinion.
Share your thoughts below as to why children coming from affluent families may be experiencing more depression, anxiety, social problems, and substance abuse issues then before.
Some questions to think about:
- Why is this happening to kids coming from affluent families?
- Why is the magic school year 7th grade for most of these issues to present themselves?
- Are you experiencing these issues? If so, how has the experience affected your family and what words can you offer others?
In the next blog, I will share with you the findings of some on-going research that breaks down why this may be happening and how to fix it.
