by YouTime Coaching | Jan 5, 2015 | Uncategorized
Hey ladies and gentlemen, Captain Positive is here is help you realize how the New Year may not be all that you were hoping for. Not only do I bring you this wonderful news but I will also share with you, because it is quite important, the 3 things you can do in order to efficiently undermine your New Year’s resolutions.
After reading this blog you will know all the ways to properly screw up your plans for the New Year! Exciting, I know. With this knowledge comes great power, because in order to be successful with your resolution(s) you must know what works in addition to whats makes you fall miserably on your face. So the power is yours once you are done reading this. Choose how to use this information wisely.
Maybe your resolution should just be to not undermine your resolution with what you are about to hear… #JustSaying
I present to you the “Reverse RPM” theory of failing to reach your resolution. As most of you know “RPM” stands for “revolutions per minute” and is a relative calculation of speed, so for this presentation the “Reverse RPM” theory will show you how to completely halt any forward progress and speed you are looking to create for attaining your goals.
Reverse RPM Theory
(R) Results
Problem:
Many of us have developed a wonderful tendency to be predominantly results driven. We start a diet and we only look to lose weight (and we better see results fast or on to the next diet found in Self Magazine). The overnight success story of your New Year’s resolution is your first screw up for the new year, strike one.
Of the top ten most popular resolutions (Check them out here!) all of them take preparation, planning, and time. We typically undermine our resolutions by looking at them as short-term, outcome-oriented endeavors.
Solution:
A “New Year’s Resolution” is exactly that, a year-long resolution and goal. Do you stop going to the gym or eating healthy once you lose those 30 lbs. on June 21st of the new year? Well, you shouldn’t but lots of people do. Your resolution is a long-term goal that should be process-oriented, not simply outcome.
Sure you have an outcome in mind, but your journey to get there needs to be clearly planned out, broken down, and assigned start/completion dates. (download “My Mini Goals Worksheet” here)
(P) Preparation
Problem:
How many of you bozos knew that the new year started right as the lovely weekend was getting ready to kick off? Who wants to get healthy and make changes over the weekend when you can start on Monday?! Not many people, including me, so I have some personal stake in this.
Assuming you already created a resolution, we can safely say that you have at least identified that you have problem behaviors that need changing. Don’t we all! The first step after realizing this is preparation to make the change. Unfortunately, our hedonistic “pleasure seeking” culture can sometimes force us into the “action stage” before proper planning. The result, 2 weeks of hard work towards your goal and reverting back to old ways (looks like your cigarettes will have their old best friend back).
Solution:
First, do a little detective work to figure out what your actual behaviors are, when they happen, and what triggers them (download “Track My Triggers and Patterns Worksheet” here). Second, really find out why you are looking to make these changes. First write down what positive benefits the change will bring to you (and others), followed by writing down how maintaining the problem behaviors have hurt you (and others).
Next, you must commit. Scream your goal from the biggest damn mountain top you can find (please don’t do this). Seriously though, tell friends and family what your intentions are with this resolution. People are more likely to feel accountable if others know what they are trying to do.
(M) Momentum
Problem:
Wait, so since I am going to be “all healthy and stuff” starting in January, that means I can shove my face with booze and food throughout the holidays and think of exercise as the walk to the bathroom.
Maybe I can smoke my face off and start fresh on January 1st. Or, since I will be saving so much money in the new year with my positive changes, I will definitely balance that out by spending tons of money over the holidays.
People start to have trouble hearing you as you get deeper down into that hole of yours. Sounding too familiar, huh? Don’t use December as a scape goat for your troublesome behaviors. This only will make things harder with a higher likelihood of failing to progress with your resolution.
Solution:
Start planning after the first week in December. Already into January? No problem! Part of successful goal setting is being flexible and adapting to what’s realistically going on around you. Spend 2 weeks planning out your path of success and seek out those that will support you in this (download the “My Support Team Worksheet” here). Most people try to begin their resolution after one of their most problematic months and that is a recipe for disaster! Set a realistic start date that allows you spend a couple week planning out your moves.
Remember: Knowledge is not power, it is only potential power. You have to make the choice in using it. So go on and use that huge brain of yours to properly plan or even screw up the new year.
Have a wonderful journey!
by YouTime Coaching | Dec 27, 2014 | Uncategorized
The holidays, regardless of which ones you celebrate are about family, traditions, and appreciation. On August 9th of this year, I was married to Kate and welcomed with open arms to their family. One of the best days of my life, and the beginning of a brand new journey.
Very frequently in the following months to your wedding you are asked, “how is married life?”. My response is always, “it is not much different than engaged life. If anything, Kate feels quite different because she has to change her name in 90 different places…”
I may have oversimplified a little. A whole lot has changed. My life has gotten better in many ways.
This past week I participated in my first holiday season being married. It was full of new experiences mixed with the old traditions and turned out to be quite a time. So, did it all go well or was it a scene out of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation?
Here are just a few things that were different this holiday:
- I had the opportunity to be in a new “family photo”.
- Traveled more then ever (13 hours; Boston>South Jersey>Catskill, NY>Central MA>Boston)
- Spent actual Christmas with Kate’s family (the infamous “taking turns” with the holiday)
- Experienced new “Wilson traditions”
- Brought “Wolf traditions” to the Wilson’s.
- Was able to open present with our wonderful dog Bipsy!
- Was able to see and spend time with more family then ever before.
- Received a ton of gift cards
- Woke up the latest I have ever woken up to unwrap presents (9am opposed to 6am)
- Gave out more “holiday thank you hugs” than ever before.
- Was warmly welcomed to spend part of the holidays in 5 different homes.
- Increased my New England sports gear by 300% on Christmas day (thanks Ellen!)
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Based on these 12 things, I think it went pretty amazing. It really drove home the value of family, relationships, and our need for connection. Still, no matter how great this all feels the reality is also in the challenge of adapting to your new normal and change. The change in how you used to celebrate holidays and the people you spent it with.
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I would be lying if I were to say it was easy to leave my family on Christmas Eve and not spend Christmas and my sister’s birthday with her for the first time in my life. I can finally understand the challenges newly married couples face when it comes to the “splitting” the holidays. This really tests the true the essence of marriage; support, flexibility, and compromise. Compromising does not mean giving up something you enjoy (although that may happen), it means to get through something and reach an agreement with your partner that has its own intrinsic benefits. During this specific change for me, the support from both families was amazing, completely appreciated, and ultimately made our first married Christmas a successful one.
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I can’t thank Dave and Ellen enough for welcoming me into their family in such a genuine way, while also thanking my parents for being so supportive in some of the changes that marriage brings your way as well.
Change is a complicated matter when it comes to humans, they either really love it or hate it. If it requires effort, they hate it. If it provides pleasure, they love it. If there is no perceived problem, there is no big change. Sometimes you don’t know what direction to head in, or it doesn’t excite you to make changes. Once you are able to see that every ounce of effort is worth the change you are making, it is a no brainer. The value of change and growth is overwhelming and the support is monumental.
Kate and I are now able to look at each other, give a firm high-five,
and say that we have successfully had our first married Holidays!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
by YouTime Coaching | Dec 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
The holiday season is typically filled with so many positive feelings. For some though, the thought of their “dysfunctional family” getting together, having to buy gifts, sign cards, wrap presents, and potentionally travel many miles seems like an absolute nightmare.
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I understand where they are coming from with the whole wrapping of the gifts piece, not my strength and never will be, I have accepted this reality of mine and my sisters have driven home the point many times. Understandably, the holidays can be a stressful time. For this reason I want to provide you with a small piece of advice while taking on one aspect of the holidays, gift giving.
How the hell are you supposed to know exactly what to get your wife, children, significant other, or any family member for that matter when they either provide you with a “60 item list” or say “it’s the thought that counts”. Either scenario leaves you in a precarious spot of wondering, stressing, and wishing someone else could do this for you. Fear not though!
I am hear to give you some advice on how to make gift giving a little easier for you this holiday.
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First, remember what you are doing in the first place. You are giving! A selfless act that is done for somebody else without the expectation of reciprocation. Remind yourself that the overall act of giving a gift is positive, selfless, and appreciated one (although sometimes it may not seem that way!).
Here are a couple rules to follow (some from personal experience and others just rules)
1. Put effort into your card and wrapping.
This point is even more true when gifting for females. They care just as much about what’s in the card and the efforts put into wrapping as they do the present. Stay honest and genuine with your words.
2. Stay within your means.
Listen, I understand you may be a “people pleaser” or the whole nature of the holidays has put you in a generous mood, but set a budget and stay to it. Sometimes this can be a fun challenge for a couple. My wife and I for the holidays cap it off at $100, which for some may be a lot and for others not, but regardless it forces you to get creative while keeping that urge to overspend in check.
3. Gifts aren’t everything.
Believe it or not your material things that you own (house, car, electronics..etc) can only account for 10% of your happiness. The other 90% is how you react to these things. People, including you, place the meaning in the gifts, the words you share in your card, and the time you choose to spend with loved ones. Choose wisely, communicate genuinely, and stay in the moment.
Well, you may still be stressed moving forward into the holiday, but before giving up on it, try at least one of the pieces of advice out for size. Works for me, and for many other people. Join the population of individuals that actually look forward to this season of giving and drown out (at least temporarily) your inner Scrooge.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
by YouTime Coaching | Oct 1, 2014 | Uncategorized
Whether you are good or bad at it, we ALL visualize things before doing it. Just like we all have that pesky inner voice and dialogue that never seems to mute itself. I want to present you with a technique I have used with many clients and myself that is a powerful way to redirect your negative thoughts, feelings, and mind-states.
Humans are condition to “see this” and then “feel this”. That is more than acceptable when what you’re seeing and thinking are positive. We all know this is frequently not the case.
Use the “Swish Technique” video and step by step visual instructions to redirect that negative thinking and regain some positive control back in your life.
Enjoy!
Step 1: Empty Movie Theatre
Imagine you are sitting in an empty movie theatre with
a blank movie screen in front of you.
Step 2: Create a Negative Picture “A”
Create an image that creates negative emotions and
thoughts such as anxiety and fear.
Step 3: Create a Positive Picture “B”
Create an image that creates very clear positive emotions and thoughts such as, confidence, happiness, and excitement.
Step 4: Put Negative Picture “A” Up With a Small Positive Picture “B” With picture “A” back up on the screen, make picture “b” the size of a postage stamp and place it down in the corner of the movie screen. You know what this small picture contain, although you may not be able to see all the details while it is this small.
Step 5: Count Down 3-2-1 and
Make a Loud SWISHHH!
With picture “A” on the screen and the small picture “B” in the lower corner, you will count down from 3 to 1 and at 1 you will make a loud “swish” sound. During that “swish” sound you will take the small picture “B” and blow it up to take over the entire screen. You now no longer can see the negative picture “A” and can only see the positive picture “B”.
Step 6: Look At Positive Picture “B” and State the Positive Emotions You Feel Seeing It
Now that positive picture “B” is on the big screen, take it in and feel the positivity and desirable feelings. Ask yourself, “How do I feel seeing this positive picture”. Really try and associate the positive emotions and thoughts with the picture.
Step 7: Clear Your Mind and Repeat
Congratulations on completing round one! Now clear your mind by standing up, counting, clapping your hands, and doing what’s necessary to clear that noggin of yours. You are going to repeat this entire process 7-8x.
That’s it! Use this technique to redirect your thoughts and recondition your responses to particular circumstances and environments.
ENJOY!
by YouTime Coaching | Sep 11, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Why do adults love being around children?
Do they have special powers, are we naturally drawn to them, or do they uncover a piece of us that wishes we could be just as
happy as they are?
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One thing is for sure, they smile and they do it a lot. When you compare it to their older counterparts, adults, there is no comparison. Whether the numbers are spot on or off by a bit, the jury is no longer out, kids laugh and smile far more than adults.
The good news is that you have access to this super power as well. Some things you should know about smiling before moving forward, so that you can really get an idea of the power of your smiles.
1. ONE SMILE = 2,000 Bars of Chocolate
- Research shows that one genuine smile produces the same amount of brain activity as eating 2,000 bars of chocolate.
2. ONE SMILE = $25,000
- British researchers found that one smile provide the same amount of brain stimulation as receiving $25,000.
3. We smile before being born.
- 3D Ultrasound technology is able to show that developing babies actually smile in the womb!
Now that we know the power of smiling, lets look at the smiling cycle and how smiling impacts us as well as other people.
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1. You Smile: Just Because
2. You Look Good and Feel Good: Brain imaging and EEG shows that “feel good” hormones are released as a reaction to you smiling. It makes you feel better and more confident.
3. Others See You Smile: When others see you smile, neurons known as “Mirror Neurons” encourage you to feel the same emotion that is in front of you, HAPPY! (check them out! “The Mind’s Mirror” American Psychological Association)
4. They Mimic You and Smile: The same way that yawning seems to be contagious, smiles are as well. You see someone smile and naturally you desire to as well. Those Mirror Neurons at work once again!
5. They Look Good and Feel Good: If you look good and feel good while smiling, why can’t others? Share the wealth! Those same “feel good” hormones, predominately Serotonin, are released when others smile as well.
6. You Smile: It all will feed back to you or extend onto others.
YOUR JOB
Make sure to smile multiple times each day. Especially when feeling a little down.
Smile for your sake and others as well.
Your smiles impact others.
by YouTime Coaching | Sep 2, 2014 | Uncategorized
What turns out to be one of, if not the most, important days of your life….YOUR WEDDING!
For decades the “traditional wedding” has seem to be a thing of the past. Sure you have old traditions at your wedding but wedding counts exceeding 200 people, costs of $30,000+, ceremonies held outside of churches and synagogues, and new traditions that newlyweds want to establish for themselves for the first time simply show us that weddings are different these days.
One thing that hasn’t changed over time (for most people), is that your wedding day is a learning experience. I want to share what I learned on my wedding day at Sakonnet Vineyards in Little Compton Rhode Island on August 9th, 2014.
3 Life Lessons From My Wedding
1. Take a Moment for Yourself.
Life gets pretty crazy at points. Our world can sometimes consist of our own expectations, external expectations, procrastination, multitasking, and so on.
When do you get a moment to slow down, savor the moment, be present and mindful, and witness what is going on around you? The answer is, you need to create this moment for yourself. A moment to yourself and in such a small amount of time (even a couple minutes), is enough to help you shift your focus, improve your mood, and become more mindful.
On Kate and my wedding day, during our first dance we were in our own bubble. My younger sister and her boyfriend sang our first song (January Wedding by The Avett Brothers, changed to “August Wedding” — Check her out
Whitney Wolf Music). We heard it, but saw no one around, it was just us. My appreciation for the day drastically went up at that very moment.
2. Express Yourself
We are human and are driven by emotions. The reality is, some emotions are easier to express than others. This means a couple things. First, find another source to express through such as, painting, music, writing…etc. Second, you deserve to express your emotions… intelligently.
On my wedding day, I was excited, anxious, and so unbelievably happy. I made it a point to express all of those that day in their own respective ways. I believe this picture is a culmination of all three of those emotions coming out!
3. Be Part of Something Bigger
On August 9th of this year I became part of something bigger, an extended family that I truly have felt a part of for the past 5 years. To put it lightly…it felt good.
One undeniable human need in this world is for “connection/love”. We desire to connect/love others and be connected/loved by others. One thing that most people look over is that our need for connection and love can be partially met and enhanced through being connected to other things like our environment, our health, the food we eat, and many more venues.
Find new sources in your life of connection and love to enhance your own experiences and meet your own needs.
I LOVE YOU KATE WOLF!
